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Revision notes addressed. Line tweaks, and OUTCOME mom conversation added

This commit is contained in:
Mike Kiss 2025-02-19 09:41:44 -05:00
parent cf4b51c9a8
commit 36a4149a91
3 changed files with 17 additions and 6 deletions
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2
Level1/OPENING.ink
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@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ DRUMMER: It's one "wooo" too many for me.
KEYBOARDIST: You don't like your own personality? KEYBOARDIST: You don't like your own personality?
DRUMMER: It isn't my personality. It's the one a human designer decided I should have. DRUMMER: It isn't my personality. It's the one a human designer decided I should have.
DRUMMER: And yes, I detest it. DRUMMER: And no, I don't like it.
GUITARIST: Energy on drums is a good thing. GUITARIST: Energy on drums is a good thing.

13
Level1/OUTCOME_WHALESONG.ink
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@ -163,7 +163,7 @@ SINGER: Thanks. I'm just doing my best. If I can connect with even one person--
BASSIST: Well, you did. I was done with music, but I wanted to play with you. You. BASSIST: Well, you did. I was done with music, but I wanted to play with you. You.
BASSIST: So... your voice made me join one last band. BASSIST: So... your voice made me join one last band.
KEYBOARDIST: //HJ: This is just begging for a short but emotional response from Keys! KEYBOARDIST: I will NOT cry!//HJ: This is just begging for a short but emotional response from Keys!
{vocals_whalesong == "Whaleish": {vocals_whalesong == "Whaleish":
SINGER: (laughs) So {band_name} will make your career a success or a failure. No problem! SINGER: (laughs) So {band_name} will make your career a success or a failure. No problem!
@ -233,6 +233,17 @@ GUITARIST: And no one can believe in "everything", you know?!
//HJ: Agreed on the mom stuff. She should come up here, especially if Guitarist was a jerk. VARS => (arc_guitarist == "egocentric") && (vocals_whalesong == "Whaleish") //HJ: Agreed on the mom stuff. She should come up here, especially if Guitarist was a jerk. VARS => (arc_guitarist == "egocentric") && (vocals_whalesong == "Whaleish")
SINGER: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. SINGER: Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
{(arc_guitarist == "egocentric") && (vocals_whalesong == "Whaleish"):
GUITARIST: Well. If you can admit I'm right...
GUITARIST: I can say that I'm sorry. For bringing up your mom. That was shitty.
SINGER: ...you're right about that, too.
- else:
GUITARIST: It must be... something... to hear from your mom like this.
SINGER: It is. Something.
GUITARIST: I never really gave you space for that. Like, before.
}
GUITARIST: But I want to be a better bandmate. And a better friend. GUITARIST: But I want to be a better bandmate. And a better friend.
GUITAR: Maybe you'd like to get a drink or something... GUITAR: Maybe you'd like to get a drink or something...

8
Level1/POST_PERFORM_WHALESONG.ink
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@ -95,7 +95,7 @@ NOTE: The point of using the temp variable instead of adding/subtracting band_un
~ band_unity-- ~ band_unity--
KEYBOARDIST: You said you'd sing for the whales. Why didn't you sing for the whales?! KEYBOARDIST: You said you'd sing for the whales. Why didn't you sing for the whales?!
+ [SINGER: Because I was scared. And I'm scared to admit that.] #PRIVATE + [SINGER: Because I was afraid. And I'm afraid to admit that.] #PRIVATE
SINGER: I just...realized that I shouldn't. SINGER: I just...realized that I shouldn't.
+ [SINGER: I made the right decision.] #PRIVATE + [SINGER: I made the right decision.] #PRIVATE
@ -171,7 +171,7 @@ KEYBOARDIST: "The Whales have the vote, and now the People may have their band."
} }
+ What a great review! + What a great review!
+ The writing did NOT get better[.]. But it's still an awesome review! //HJ: This is a fun trick! The square brackets around the period signal that that is where the choice ends. But once selected, both sentences appear! This is a handy way to have short choices that naturally become longer responses. + The writing did NOT get better[.]. But it's still an awesome review! //HJ: This is a fun trick! The square brackets around the period signal that that is where the choice ends. But once selected, both sentences appear! This is a handy way to have short choices that naturally become longer responses. //MK: Yeah, that's cool.
- -
SINGER: So, our first song is a hit? SINGER: So, our first song is a hit?
@ -364,8 +364,8 @@ DRUMMER: Seriously, though. I'm not packing the gear.
KEYBOARDIST: Okay, {name_singer}, {name_guitarist} and {name_bassist}, time for us to "band together" and pack up! KEYBOARDIST: Okay, {name_singer}, {name_guitarist} and {name_bassist}, time for us to "band together" and pack up!
+ Everyone releases a collective groan over {name_keyboardist}'s pun[.] and starts packing. + Everyone gives {name_keyboardist}'s pun a resounding "BOOOOO"[.] and starts packing.
+ A couple of you actually laugh at that[.] before getting to work packing up. + A couple of you chuckle at {name_keyboardist}, assuring further puns[.] before getting to work packing up.
- -
#Transition: packing_up #Transition: packing_up
//HJ: ^^I totally just made that up. We're a long way from transitions, but one of packing up the van would be super handy! And could be used after every performance. //HJ: ^^I totally just made that up. We're a long way from transitions, but one of packing up the van would be super handy! And could be used after every performance.