From 36a4149a91e2599209e8f2c8d883271588c5fc10 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: MikeKiss Date: Wed, 19 Feb 2025 09:41:44 -0500 Subject: [PATCH] Revision notes addressed. Line tweaks, and OUTCOME mom conversation added --- Level1/OPENING.ink | 2 +- Level1/OUTCOME_WHALESONG.ink | 13 ++++++++++++- Level1/POST_PERFORM_WHALESONG.ink | 8 ++++---- 3 files changed, 17 insertions(+), 6 deletions(-) diff --git a/Level1/OPENING.ink b/Level1/OPENING.ink index 5dfe6de..66acd23 100644 --- a/Level1/OPENING.ink +++ b/Level1/OPENING.ink @@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ DRUMMER: It's one "wooo" too many for me. KEYBOARDIST: You don't like your own personality? DRUMMER: It isn't my personality. It's the one a human designer decided I should have. -DRUMMER: And yes, I detest it. +DRUMMER: And no, I don't like it. GUITARIST: Energy on drums is a good thing. diff --git a/Level1/OUTCOME_WHALESONG.ink b/Level1/OUTCOME_WHALESONG.ink index 05a64e9..33b83e6 100644 --- a/Level1/OUTCOME_WHALESONG.ink +++ b/Level1/OUTCOME_WHALESONG.ink @@ -163,7 +163,7 @@ SINGER: Thanks. I'm just doing my best. If I can connect with even one person-- BASSIST: Well, you did. I was done with music, but I wanted to play with you. You. BASSIST: So... your voice made me join one last band. -KEYBOARDIST: //HJ: This is just begging for a short but emotional response from Keys! +KEYBOARDIST: I will NOT cry!//HJ: This is just begging for a short but emotional response from Keys! {vocals_whalesong == "Whaleish": SINGER: (laughs) So {band_name} will make your career a success or a failure. No problem! @@ -233,6 +233,17 @@ GUITARIST: And no one can believe in "everything", you know?! //HJ: Agreed on the mom stuff. She should come up here, especially if Guitarist was a jerk. VARS => (arc_guitarist == "egocentric") && (vocals_whalesong == "Whaleish") SINGER: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. +{(arc_guitarist == "egocentric") && (vocals_whalesong == "Whaleish"): +GUITARIST: Well. If you can admit I'm right... +GUITARIST: I can say that I'm sorry. For bringing up your mom. That was shitty. +SINGER: ...you're right about that, too. + +- else: +GUITARIST: It must be... something... to hear from your mom like this. +SINGER: It is. Something. +GUITARIST: I never really gave you space for that. Like, before. +} + GUITARIST: But I want to be a better bandmate. And a better friend. GUITAR: Maybe you'd like to get a drink or something... diff --git a/Level1/POST_PERFORM_WHALESONG.ink b/Level1/POST_PERFORM_WHALESONG.ink index 3decbce..ccdf727 100644 --- a/Level1/POST_PERFORM_WHALESONG.ink +++ b/Level1/POST_PERFORM_WHALESONG.ink @@ -95,7 +95,7 @@ NOTE: The point of using the temp variable instead of adding/subtracting band_un ~ band_unity-- KEYBOARDIST: You said you'd sing for the whales. Why didn't you sing for the whales?! - + [SINGER: Because I was scared. And I'm scared to admit that.] #PRIVATE + + [SINGER: Because I was afraid. And I'm afraid to admit that.] #PRIVATE SINGER: I just...realized that I shouldn't. + [SINGER: I made the right decision.] #PRIVATE @@ -171,7 +171,7 @@ KEYBOARDIST: "The Whales have the vote, and now the People may have their band." } + What a great review! -+ The writing did NOT get better[.]. But it's still an awesome review! //HJ: This is a fun trick! The square brackets around the period signal that that is where the choice ends. But once selected, both sentences appear! This is a handy way to have short choices that naturally become longer responses. ++ The writing did NOT get better[.]. But it's still an awesome review! //HJ: This is a fun trick! The square brackets around the period signal that that is where the choice ends. But once selected, both sentences appear! This is a handy way to have short choices that naturally become longer responses. //MK: Yeah, that's cool. - SINGER: So, our first song is a hit? @@ -364,8 +364,8 @@ DRUMMER: Seriously, though. I'm not packing the gear. KEYBOARDIST: Okay, {name_singer}, {name_guitarist} and {name_bassist}, time for us to "band together" and pack up! -+ Everyone releases a collective groan over {name_keyboardist}'s pun[.] and starts packing. -+ A couple of you actually laugh at that[.] before getting to work packing up. ++ Everyone gives {name_keyboardist}'s pun a resounding "BOOOOO"[.] and starts packing. ++ A couple of you chuckle at {name_keyboardist}, assuring further puns[.] before getting to work packing up. - #Transition: packing_up //HJ: ^^I totally just made that up. We're a long way from transitions, but one of packing up the van would be super handy! And could be used after every performance.